Feel Bad For Me

I suddenly write all of this when I contact with one of my old friend. She is so beautiful, adorable, solehah and good. Like if we tgk her, we can feel like "owwww, sejuk hati tgk dia" . So, I'm sure she's a good person. And it makes me realize; "Am I like her?", "How did people look at me?", "Will they feel the same thing how I look at my friend?".

One thing that I need to change about myself is negative thinking.  

Dear Allah,
I feel bad for myself,
Whenever I met my old friend,
They are so much better than me,
Way more different than me,
I wanna be like them.

But Allah,
Am I be able to be like them?😔

I've done a lot of sins,👿
Until the feelings that come on my mind is,
"I'm the worst sinner".💢

O Allah,
I really hope that one day,
I can meet someone who's obey you,
And "that someone" can guide me dunya and akhirah,
Because I know the preparation to face akhirah is way more important that all of the things on dunya,
But I think,
I need to have someone who can guide me,
I know it's not the right time,
But I just wish for that.😞

O Allah,
Who am I to get the best,😖
Even myself are not the best yet,
I try,💪
And always trying to build the new "Intan Nadzirah",
Never gonna stop repairing myself.

We will never can hide the feelings,
Never can lie to ourselves,
It's just a fitrah we as a human being 👫,
Human tends to attract towards something beautiful🎕,
Something that is nice to hear,
Good to look 👀 at.

Sometimes,
When I started to aim for something that is "impossible" for me to get it,
Lightning🗲 strikes me,
And it's like a message said; "No I can not have it",

The power of negativity is so strong,
Really need to eliminate all the negativity,
But I can't do on my own,
Except with the help of Allah,
With the support from my family and friends.

Do pray for me!👧💓